The Vanishing (1993)

Kiefer Sutherland

Watch The Vanishing trailer

Writer: Todd Graff, Tim Krabbé (novel)

Director: George Sluizer 
Notable actors: Kiefer Sutherland for half a second

I’ve been trying to think of a remake I like. The only ones I can consider are those from my childhood, which I naturally look back upon with fondness brought on by nostalgia. And, to my knowledge, all of those bombed at the box office. How has Hollywood seriously not yet got the point? There will never be a call for remakes, with perhaps the exception of a re-do of Harry Potter in fifty years so we can see Daniel Radcliffe inevitably play Dumbledore.

I confess I had no idea what this film was; nothing more than the only DVD lying around at a friend’s house after everyone else had fallen asleep. Within half an hour it became pretty clear what the film was – boring. Boring, boring, boring, oh Jesus Christ so damn boring. I watched it in slow, small segments throughout the night whenever the internet failed. Otherwise I truly wouldn’t have bothered after sitting there feeling my brain cells suicide ten minutes in.

It’s kind of adorable how hard the filmmakers worked on getting the whole suspense thing right, only to fail completely. Every vaguely climatic point was a sign of perhaps the most overused, irritating mainstay in cinema. Of course I mean that damn dramatic music which cuts in during emotional moments to let the audience know things are tense. Cause the audience can’t work that out on their own, cause they’re stupid. Of course they’re stupid. They’re in a cinema.

I honestly can’t think of a good thing to say about this movie. The original may have perhaps been wonderful, and if it was every single magical moment was taken from it. Future Oscar winner Jeff Bridges came across as plain yet kooky rather than creepy, while Sandra Bullock was annoying as usual. The only moment in the entire span which produced any emotion from me was a spark of recognition when an actress from a sitcom I enjoyed as a teen came on screen.

The sad thing is there's a better film in there somewhere, I think. The emotional upheaval of searching for a missing person would make a brilliant psychological drama in the hands of the right writer. This film? This film doesn't have the right anything.

There’s no hint of the talent which would make this atrocity’s stars careers later on, with the exception of the crux scene I’ve screen capped above. This was the only point worth paying attention for – as Bridge’s character convinces Sutherland’s to willingly take a drug which will make him pass out. For the barest second there, there was a slice of real acting.

Then we went back to crap, with a twist so predictable you could see it coming a mile off, if only the story didn’t take so long to get there you’d fallen asleep by then.